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Nov. 12th, 2006 @ 10:29 am Birthday
It's my birthday! Jessee got me the sweetest present. And the sweetest card, too. He also got me a sign for the door. It says "Welcome, my house was clean last week, sorry you missed it." I immediately hung it on the door.
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walk the line
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Aug. 29th, 2006 @ 02:54 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: crushed
Current Music: The Kill - 30 Seconds To Mars
What if I wanted to break
Laugh it all off in your face
What would you do?
What if I fell to the floor
Couldn't take all this anymore
What would you do, do, do?

Kill
Break me down
Bury me, bury me
I am finished with you

What if I wanted to fight
Beg for the rest of my life
What would you do?
You say you wanted more
What are you waiting for
I'm not running from you

Kill
Break me down
Bury me, bury me
I am finished with you
Look in my eyes
You're killing me, killing me
All I wanted was you

I tried to be someone else
But nothing seemed to change
I know now, this is who I really am inside
Falling from myself
Falling for a chance
I know now, this is who I really am

Kill
Break me down
Bury me, bury me
I am finished with you, you, you
Look in my eyes
You're killing me, killing me
All I wanted was you
Come, break me down
Break me down
Break me down

What if I wanted to break...?
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ron burgandy
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Jul. 18th, 2006 @ 08:32 pm FINALLY!!!!
Current Mood: amused
Current Music: I Want My Mullet Back - Billy Ray Cyrus
See music.

Finally.

Going to bed. I'm out.
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walk the line
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Jul. 18th, 2006 @ 07:47 pm Kissing Frogs
Current Mood: sleepy
Current Music: Wild World - Mr. BIg
They say you may have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince. I agree. God knows I have kissed my share. I've dated my share of, well, to put it point blank, ASSHOLES! No, really, I've fallen for some real winners. I'll spare you all the trivial details, and spare myself some shame in the meantime. I'm amazed looking back at all that I have put up with, all I went through. And everyone's been there. And we say we wish we could go back and change things.

But here's the catch. I wouldn't. Despite all I've endured, been put through, the time I wasted, the tears I cried, the sleepless nights, the weight loss, the things done to me, I wouldn't trade it looking back. I am wiser. Stronger.

And now I don't take anything that I have now for granted. Not a second. Only when you've been so down that you think you REALLY will never get up again, can you truly appreciate being happy. Like all the people that have had money their whole lives will never appreciate the value of a dollar. They never had to work for it. Their parents gave them credit cards and dropped them off at the mall. We think about how nice it must be. While we all struggle to pay our bills from time to time, and work our jobs, day in and day out, whatever they may be, just to get by, they have everything handed to them on a silver platter. But it teaches us to appreciate what we DO have. That money doesn't buy happiness. Being with the people you love does.

I am so happy now. But not only am I so happy, I also appreciate the people in my life who contribute to it. The ones who were there to help pick me up and dust me off when I didn't have the strength (literally) to do it myself. Everything has more meaning now. Everything is felt with a little more gratitude, and emotions are felt just a little deeper.

And it only took, what, 8 years for us to finally be together? But if we had started dating then, I wouldn't appreciate him as much now.

So to sum it all up. Everything does happen for a reason, even all the bad things. It will all make sense someday.
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walk the line
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Jul. 14th, 2006 @ 01:16 pm This one's just for LJ
Current Mood: amused
Current Music: Friends In Low Places - Garth Brooks
Blame it all on my roots
I showed up in boots
And ruined your black tie affair
The last one to know
The last one to show
I was the last one
You thought you'd see there
And I saw the surprise
And the fear in his eyes
When I took his glass of champagne
And I toasted you
Said, honey, we may be through
BUT YOU'LL NEVER HEAR ME COMPLAIN!!!!!!!!!!!


LOL!
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ron burgandy
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Jul. 14th, 2006 @ 12:56 pm Taking a break from cleaning
Current Mood: accomplished
Current Music: Walk Away - No Address
When things go wrong, you'll usually find they usually go on getting worse for some time; but when things start going right they often go on getting better and better. - C. S. Lewis (The Magician's Nephew)

This is so true. I put this on my livejournal about a year ago, in hopes that things in my life would start getting better. But instead they started getting worse, for awhile. Until I hit rock bottom. But a month ago things started getting better, and things are getting better everyday. I am really lucky.

My neighbor is moving out. I expected it. He was never home. But he just gave me and Jessee some furniture. And it's sooooo comfortable. So I am taking a break from cleaning while he and McElyea are gone to update. I hope to have it all clean and the furniture moved around before they get back. My bathroom looks completely different. And I am going to shampoo the carpets tonight.

Either tonight or tomorrow night we are going to see the new Pirates of the Caribbean.
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ron burgandy
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Jul. 13th, 2006 @ 10:56 pm The Latest
Current Mood: giddy
Current Music: Jessee and Kyleigh playing football on the xbox
Just spent two weeks in Bluefield. The one in Virginia, though I did make my way over to West Virginia a few times while down there. I have discovered that hotel living is NOT for me. It's very boring.

I like my new job. My first day I showed up an hour and 40 minutes early. I thought it would take me longer to get there. So I checked into the motel, and went back, where then the lights went out and electricty was out all the way to Princeton, West Virginia. But now i know what to do if the electricity goes out.

The next day was the fourth. I was really bummed to be out of town on a holiday, and was seriously considering coming home. I was missing croquet at Stork's and the park, bingo, and the fireworks. So while I was contemplating coming home while putting up groceries, I turned around, and there was Jessee standing beside me. That made my day. We went to Princeton to watch the fireworks, where it rained. We attempted to put the top down anyways, but then it started to rain harder, so there went that idea. Then we drove through God only knows where trying to get back home because we were NOT turning left out of that parking lot. Then he stayed with me til we left to come home on Thursday. It was really nice having him there, and someone to see when I got off work and got back to the hotel.

The next week was really boring because I was the only one there from the new Wal-Mart so not only did I not know anyone, I was incredibly homesick, and this time I was alone in the hotel. So when I got off Wednesday after work, I went to the hotel for about five minutes, and decided to come home for the night.

The first week I brought Kyleigh home some sidewalk paint, where she insisted on painting her feet and walking around mom's porch leaving colorful footprints everywhere. It was adorable.

And today she drove Dawn's kid's Barbie Jeep around their house, where she then crashed into her lightpost out front, leaving the scene of the accident, and the door open to the jeep.

All in all, life's been great lately. I'm really happy, and it's been a long time. I deserve it after all the hell I've been through. It feels really good to be home
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Jun. 28th, 2006 @ 03:54 pm Got the job
Current Mood: excited
Current Music: Relient K
I got the job as the instock supervisor at walmart. I am really excited. The pay is good, as are benefits and everything else, like stock in the company and all. They are sending me to Bluefield to train for two weeks. All the supervisors are sent there to train. It all happened so fast but I am leaving Sunday night and they are paying for gas, hotel room, and meals. Its going to be kind of lonely. But I have my cell phone and books, so maybe I can treat it as a vacation. The kind of vacation where you work. That makes no sense, but I am going to spend a lot of time by myself in the hotel room. The worst part is not having internet for a couple of weeks. But I feel kind of important so it's ok.

Well, off to work to break the news to my boss. That's going to suck too. I love my job, just dont make enough money.
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ron burgandy
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Jun. 21st, 2006 @ 02:40 pm When you can't beat down the church doors
Guess what I just found. One of the speakers that was at Icthus, Efrem Smith, has a chuch website and you can listen to his sermons online. He is so funny. And very honest, which is what I liked most about him. So glad I found this.
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Jun. 17th, 2006 @ 08:07 pm I SURVIVED ICTHUS!
Current Mood: exhausted
Current Music: Luv Addict - Family Force 5
This past weekend has been one of the best I've ever had. It was so much fun, and very exhausting. I walked miles and miles and miles and miles, got sunburnt, haven't smoked since we left at 5 in the morning thursday, waited 2 hours for a shower on Friday morning. I camped, ate nuts and berries, and rocked out.

Found out I'm not too big of a fan of camping. I don't like bugs and field mice, freezing to death, hard bumpy ground, and extreme temperature changes. But despite all that it was really more fun than anything, just something I could definetely wait a year before I do again. I enjoyed three days of non-stop music, and it was great. Saw a lot of bands, drank A LOT of water. Met a lot of interesting new people. Robin met Stephen Baldwin. And Matt from Relient K.

And best of all, Relient K.I was pretty close to the stage, sang to the top of my lungs, and then watched about an hour of Audio A before going to watch the Psalters play outside of their bus. And never regretting leaving Audio A for the last performance I would ever see because if you could see the psalters, you would understand. It is the most amazing music. They did a fire dance, which left me speechless. Jarred said it best when he said its really as close as we will ever get to worshipping the way the Israelites did. And it's true. No band has a sound like that and you feel like you are in Africa, or some foreign place.

Disciple set their guitar on fire on the stage, then poured lighter fluid on it. I almost died (not really but was somewhat injured and left very sore) during the Project 86 mosh pit.

Its been such a wild weekend. I'm so glad I went. I had a blast. The guys were hilarious all the time. "Oh my God... I touched one! Where's Aaron?" I will never take air conditioning for granted again, nor normal showering, like showering without shoes on. Thanks for enduring my long blog, if you did actually read it.

I'm not there yet, but I'm past the start.
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ron burgandy
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Jun. 14th, 2006 @ 03:33 am ICTHUS OR BUST
Current Mood: ecstatic
Current Music: Who I Am - Casting Crowns
I made it. Stayed up all night and getting ready to shower, finish packing, french braid Robin's hair, and leave for Kentucky. It's 3:30.

There are going to be 25,000 people there. And 22 shower stalls. Things could get ugly. Tonight I wished for Relient K's autograph. Probably isn't going to happen but nothing wrong with wishing. I have my itinerary. I'm all set. And I am so going to sleep all the way there.

140 bands. So little time.

Off I go. Will update when I get back on Sunday.
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Jun. 9th, 2006 @ 02:01 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: ecstatic
Current Music: Badlands (demo) - Psalters
Getting stoked. Can't believe after all these years I am finally getting to go.

www.icthusfestival.org

There are going to be four stages. I just hope it all works out so that I can see all the bands I want to see, and not miss any. It will be my luck that two I really want to see will be playing on seperate stages at the same time. I am making so many plans. What to wear? What to pack? Charge battery on phone. Delete stuff so I have memory for all the pictures I want to take, and video too. So glad I got a new phone. Want to wear hippie skirt for Psalters. Have to remember to take all vintage band shirts. Lots of sunblock, bug repellant, sleeping bag, TOOTHBRUSH! I always forget something crazy like that.

IM ROUGHIN IT! Sleeping under the stars, bands playing til the wee hours of the night, meeting new people, commmunity shower stalls, OH I CANT WAIT! Noone has any idea how much I am looking forward to this. For the past ten summers or so I have wanted to go to this festival, and now I am going. I really dont even care that I will be days without the internet or anything. I will have my phone and text messaging tho.

Oh, and did I mention... FOUR STAGES!

Project 86, Disciple, Psalters, Relient K, Audio Adrenaline, Kevin Max, Casting Crowns, Delirious, Skillet, Toby Mac, just to name a few. SOOOOOOOOOOOO Excited. Going to start packing! When do we leave?
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Jun. 9th, 2006 @ 11:43 am What I've learned lately
Current Mood: happy
Current Music: When I Hear Your Name - Keith Anderson
I like to post what i learned at the end of the day sometimes but today I am going to post what i've learned lately.

People can only hurt you if you let them. So don't. Really, if they are hurting you, you don't need them. Let them go hurt someone else. You're MUCH better off. Even the greatest of loves can only handle so much.

Surround yourself with the people who really care about you, and want to hurt the ones that hurt you. They will take care of you. Even the littlest things make such a difference.

The little things, the little moments, they aren't little.

Mom, Robin, Stacey, Terra, Brandon, Adam, Nick, Alan, Bob and Dawn, everything you've done, you amaze me. The days really do keep getting better. At a rapid rate. There are so many things I am looking forward to. I laugh more easily, sleep more soundly, and I even feel good when I wake up. Though sometimes still tired, I look forward to the day. To being with family, friends, having fun at work, getting hit on by old men who's grandkids are older than my daughter. I even enjoy being at home, alone or not, cleaning or reading or watching tv.

I get to do all the things I WANT TO DO. Wear the clothes I want to wear. Be around the people I want to be around.

So to sum it all up, Life really is WHAT YOU MAKE IT! Though sometimes it's rough, things happen that you have NO control over, you do choose how you handle it, and who you want to keep around, who really cares at the end of the day. Life ain't always beautiful, but it's a beautiful ride.
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walk the line
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Jun. 8th, 2006 @ 11:56 am Making CDs
Current Mood: amused
Current Music: I WANNA TALK ABOUT ME
Holy Crap. Terra left the blank CDs we bought here. So today my project is downloading music and making a CD called Fuck You Kiley, Country Style. It is going to include songs such as:

How I'm Doing - Dierks Bentley
A Little Too Late - Toby Keith
My Give A Damn's Busted - Jo Dee Messina

But it's cool. I'm going to make Terra one too and title it Fuck You Dustin, I Am Really Starting To Think That You And John Are Gay Together, Seriously.

HaHa. I slay me.
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ron burgandy
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Jun. 8th, 2006 @ 11:34 am All in a days work
Current Mood: content
Current Music: Dora the Explorer
Yesterday

I found out my child is advanced. Or so I was told. Apparently knowing and writing the alphabet at age 3 is not normal. I did not know. I have a genius on my hands. Really I think she has just watched A LOT of sesame street and when we draw we practice letters and she can copy what I write. There are times that she blows me away with the things that she knows and can do. Sometimes its amazing watching her learn and how well she picks on some things.

I have got to be one of the luckiest people I know. Really. I am going to stop pushing my luck. It has to be getting ready to run out soon. Noone should be this lucky. But may play the lottery before it does run out.

One of my friends is getting a divorce, her second one, and she is younger than me. I wish there was something I could do for her but I don't know what to do but just listen, sympathize, and offer to have a few people taken out.

Another friend of mine is having relationship problems but I just roll my eyes. Give me a break. Do some people REALLY like drama? Why?

Did my first razor cut in forever on Robin. Going to have to cut it again and put more layers in it.

AND.... ICTHUS, one more week. Here I come!

*me singing* I heard the reverberating footsteps, lalala
I'm practicing for singing at the concert.
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walk the line
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Jun. 5th, 2006 @ 02:47 pm I KNOW YOU CRY
Current Mood: happy
Current Music: How I'm Doin - Dierks Bentley
It's strange to hear your voice
I did not expect for you to call
You wonder how I'm doin
How I'm holdin up
Since you did me wrong

[chorus]
Well how am I doin' since you did what you done to me?
I can't lie I sometimes cry when I think of how it used to be
I keep my friends with me, I stay busy and I don't get much sleep
Baby, that's how I'm doin since you did what you done to me

Well now wait one minute, I
Failed to mention
Those tears I cried, are tears of joy
Cause' it was NO FUN there
Under your thumb and
Now that we're done I'm
Gettin' right every night
With every single ever-lovin' girl in sight, so

[chorus]

Well when all my friends heard what a
YOU KNOW WHAT YOU WERE they
Took me out on the town
But then I heard our song and
I dance along but
It felt all wrong cause'
She was sweet, she let me lead
She never took her ever-lovin' eyes off me so

[chorus]

Well I don't know what you were thinkin'
Runnin' round on me
Now you say you're sorry
WELL HONEY I AGREE...so

How are you doin' since you did
What you done to me
Girl don't lie YOU KNOW YOU CRY
Cause' you know how good it used to be
Yeah, tell me does the thought of
Losin' my true love make it hard to sleep, baby
How are you doin' since you did
What you done to me

Yeah how are you doin', now that you know
How I'm doin since you did
What you done to me
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bridget jones
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May. 30th, 2006 @ 12:20 am TV
If any of you have turned your tv on the past couple of weeks you have probably noticed there are many channels that are now consumed with some program or another revolving around the DaVinci code and the big bad conspiracy, but in all my years I never, ever thought I would actually hear an educated man use the word, religiosity. I'm not sure that word actually exists.
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May. 29th, 2006 @ 02:15 pm (no subject)
Getting ready for work. And I'm pretty bored. It's not often that I welcome work, but today I do. I can't wait to get out of this apartment. And hopefully exhaust myself. I want to be around people right now, especially the ones who make me laugh, and most of the people I work with do make me laugh.

Today I am cooking. Yeah, I am a multitasker. Waitress by weekend and cook by week. Whatever gets the bills paid. But I get off early on friday and saturday and I'm off on Sunday. The schedule I've always dreamed of. Now I just need something to do with the time I've always wanted. It's weird isn't it. How what you always wanted, when you get it, you don't know what to do with it. Especially when one of the people you really want to spend it with you can't.

I got some of my books back from Christy and I am really looking forward to re-reading them. And if work doesn't exhaust me I am going to clean this apartment when I get home. I mean it this time. I think I may feel better being here when it's clean. And a little more organized.
And get that stuff out of the hall. I don't think I can throw the boxes out, so I have decided to be a strategic about it and take one out each night with some trash, and maybe they will take the box with it, until the boxes are gone. Yeah, I'm brilliant.
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bridget jones
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May. 26th, 2006 @ 04:25 pm Exactly How I Feel
RELIENT K
"Who I Am Hates Who I've Been"

I watched the proverbial sunrise
coming up over the Pacific and
you might think I'm losing my mind,
but I will shy away from the specifics...

'cause I don't want you to know where I am
'cause then you'll see my heart
in the saddest state it's ever been.

This is no place to try and live my life.

[Pre-Chorus]
Stop right there. That's exactly where I lost it.
See that line. Well I never should have crossed it.
Stop right there. Well I never should have said
that it's the very moment that
I wish that I could take back.

[Chorus]
I'm sorry for the person I became.
I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change.
I'm ready to try and never become that way again
'cause who I am hates who I've been.
Who I am hates who I've been.

I talk to absolutely no one.
Couldn't keep to myself enough.
And the things bottled inside have finally begun
to create so much pressure that I’ll soon blow up.

I heard the reverberating footsteps
sinking up to the beating of my heart,
and I was positive that unless I got myself together,
I would watch me fall apart.

And I can’t let that happen again
‘cause then you’ll see my heart
in the saddest state it’s ever been.

This is no place to try and live my life.

[Pre-Chorus x2]
[Chorus]

Who I am hates who I've been
and who I am won’t take the second chance you gave me.
Who I am hates who I’ve been
‘cause who I’ve been only ever made me...

So sorry for the person I became.
So sorry that it took so long for me to change.
I’m ready to try and never become that way again
‘cause who I am hates who I’ve been.
Who I am hates who I’ve been.
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May. 26th, 2006 @ 03:40 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: sad
I've decided I am not in favor of change. I guess today I am just in one of those really depressed moods and I really miss my life, way back when. I miss Robin and her living here and always having her to talk to and be my best friend, and Jarred coming over and game nights and doing everything together. And even when she wasn't here it was enough to know it wouldn't be long til she would be home. I guess I'm just feeling lonely today, but this is something I have missed for a long time and I will never have back. It's something that I knew would end eventually. We weren't going to live together forever. She and Jarred were going to get married and we were all going to go our seperate ways, I just wish we had had more time together. I really liked things the way they were. And sometimes I miss it so much it's physically painful. Especially when I look around the apartment and everything is different. My room is her old room and it should be her bed in here, and her things, not mine. And Kyleigh's room should still have my bed in it, and my computer desk and all my things in it. And her old room should still have a winnie the pooh border up. The only thing I still have is the mistletoe that we hung up when we first moved in and I will never take it down. I just don't have the heart. It really is just too sentimental to me.

I am Holden. The Catcher in the Rye. I don't want things to change. I want to go back to the days when life was innocent, and I felt so much lighter than I do now. So much more at peace. Some people don't understand our relationship, but to me it was and still is one of the most important things in my life. She always made me laugh and is one of the funniest people I have ever known. And doesn't hide how she feels. When she's laughing, it's because she's happy, not hiding anything. And life is so much more fun with her in it. Even the ER is more fun when she's there with me. And she's protective of me.

I think I just need to move.

One of the reason I am looking forward to Icthus so much is because I have her for 4 days. It won't be all to myself, but it will be enough. More than I have now. I feel like I've lost everyone I loved so much. I miss Stacey and Terra. And I don't know if I have the energy to make new relationships with new people, and really I know that there just aren't people out there like them, that I can relate to and get along with, and feel so comfortable around. I don't want to settle for what I have right now, because it isn't enough.
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ron burgandy
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